What Have You Gained From 2020?
We know how society has experienced this heart-wrenching year on macro level, but as we personally reflect on the gains and losses of 2020, we were curious to see how some of the women in our community have experienced this year from a personal and professional lens. What we found was that despite the gut punch of shock and fear, the empty space of time has given many of us the ability to discover what we actually need as individuals to create a more meaningful life.
What is glaringly apparent throughout these three brilliant responses from Liron Elder-Ashkenazi, Celia Edell, and Becca Mancari is that the American “one size fits all” work culture simply does not work. This detachment from our pre-pandemic routines coupled with the fear of the unknown has given birth to a radical sense of awareness of our individual needs and wants, completely detached from societal expectations. With all of the death, tragedy, and personal turmoil of 2020, there have been some key moments of personal transformation that are worth further exploring and highlighting for your own self as we move forward into 2021.
Liron Elder-Ashkenazi
Senior Art Director at BUCK
This year has been undeniably difficult. We have been tested in ways we never thought possible. We have been grounded by the idea that even in such a technologically-advanced society, we can still experience mass chaos. We've collectively experienced that feeling of everything just breaking.
We know how our society has experienced this year on macro level, but as we reflect on 2020, we're curious how you as an individual have experienced this year in relation to your personal and professional growth. Has 2020 been a time to hit the pause button on certain areas of your life? Has your focus become more on maintaining your mental health and keeping your head above water? Have you continued towards focusing on your goals, using this time at home to keep on trucking?
This year was undeniably the weirdest, most challenging, and most rewarding year of my life.
I'm aware that's not the case for everyone. For most people, this year was a continuous struggle. I know how fortunate I am to have experienced this period differently, but it wasn't because I didn't have a set of challenges and world-shifting decisions to make. It also came with a hefty amount of anxiety.
Two months after the lockdown started, my husband and I decided to take advantage of our work-from-home situation and embark on an adventure across the coast. We were dreaming about a move to the west coast for a few years, but our job opportunities were always in NYC. We never felt comfortable leaving our jobs in the hopes of finding something different, but we experienced lockdown in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment and our lease was about to expire. Our landlord decided they would raise our rent and we broke. We didn't understand how someone would do that in the middle of a global pandemic, so we decided to make the best of the situation and take the plunge.
Our life in California has been exciting. We've been working really hard on NY time, about 7 am to 4 pm, which allows us experience the end of the day in a much more relaxing way. We made a point to rent month-to-month in the desert while the pandemic is still going on (La Quinta, Palm Springs) and take advantage of the warm fall and winter here, while being in close proximity to mountain hikes and nature. At work, I'm feeling 10x more productive and I feel like my career has really benefitted from it. I've always struggled with working in open-spaces.
My story points to three significant things this time at home during the pandemic:
1) I constantly moved around, which made me concentrate on the day-to-day experiences more wholesomely. Submerging myself in nature created a more relaxing state of mind, while still remaining almost entirely social distant.
2) The time at home opened up the door for ‘me’ time. I was sometimes able to create and feel inspired and when I wasn't, I rested. I didn't feel the need to do anything else, because I couldn't. I didn't have anywhere to go. I made it “okay” to clear time for myself. This is a lesson I will cherish forever.
3) I built my schedule in a way that fit me. I was never okay with my regular 10 am - 7 pm hours. I always felt like I never really enjoyed any part of the day. The mornings were cut short because of the commute and the need to get ready for work and in the evenings, it's already dark most of the time when the work day is over. I’d rather start my day much earlier and finish while there's still time in the day to walk around, sit outside, or just watch the sunset. It forced me to rethink my schedule, taught me what I really prefer, and enabled me to shift my life to fit that.
This pandemic forced me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about my lifestyle and about work-home balance. For a second, we all went into survival-mode and looked within ourselves and our closest circle to find what really matters. I found that I genuinely love my job; I need to live in proximity and access to nature; and that me and my husband truly are the best of friends.
Learning so much about yourself in a year is really remarkable. With all the terrible things this pandemic has brought us, I choose to look at the glass half-full. I can’t for a second regret it.
Celia Edell
Philosopher and Doctoral Candidate
This year has been undeniably difficult. We have been tested in ways we never thought possible. We have been grounded by the idea that even in such a technologically-advanced society, we can still experience mass chaos. We've collectively experienced that feeling of everything just breaking.
We know how our society has experienced this year on macro level, but as we reflect on 2020, we're curious how you as an individual have experienced this year in relation to your personal and professional growth. Has 2020 been a time to hit the pause button on certain areas of your life? Has your focus become more on maintaining your mental health and keeping your head above water? Have you continued towards focusing on your goals, using this time at home to keep on trucking?
2020 forced me to press pause on a lot of plans, trips, and visions I had for this year. While my work has always involved a lot of solitary time (writing) and a blurry work/life balance (grad student life), this year has changed my lifestyle significantly. Sheltering-in-place has forced me to reckon with my pace, my professional progress, and my personal growth by confronting habits I could no longer rely on; fears that controlled me in unknown ways; and new ways of living with my partner. I’ve experienced the loss of routine, a beloved pet, and my own personal workspace, but I’ve gained a lot of self-knowledge and trust and I know a lot more about how I cope with difficulty and uncertainty now than I did a year ago.
I’ve found that my productivity is directly tied to my ability to manage my anxiety. I have lived with anxiety long enough that I have learned how to channel it towards achieving my goals. This involves feeling the pressure of deadlines, comparing my progress to others, and trying to maintain some semblance of work/life separation. These are normal stressors and although they can feel burdensome and provoke anxiety, they are also motivating factors in my life.
However this year has brought about a new, heightened level of anxiety. I find myself bearing the pressures aforementioned alongside new and heavier anxieties like: When will I see my family again? What if someone gets sick? What does the future look like? Does my work even matter anymore? While I’m accustomed to living with intrusive, anxious thoughts, my thoughts have taken a distinctly 2020 character. That said, I have managed to keep my head above water and I don’t think this is an unworthy use of my time and energy. 2020 has not yielded the personal and professional vision I had for myself, but it certainly forced me to grow in new and valuable ways.
So while I have kept on trucking towards my goals, every step is a bit heavier than before. It hasn’t stopped me yet and I’m sure the weight will one day lift and I will feel some relief. Until then, I’m getting stronger through the effort.
Becca Mancari
Musician
This year has been undeniably difficult. We have been tested in ways we never thought possible. We have been grounded by the idea that even in such a technologically-advanced society, we can still experience mass chaos. We've collectively experienced that feeling of everything just breaking.
We know how our society has experienced this year on macro level, but as we reflect on 2020, we're curious how you as an individual have experienced this year in relation to your personal and professional growth. Has 2020 been a time to hit the pause button on certain areas of your life? Has your focus become more on maintaining your mental health and keeping your head above water? Have you continued towards focusing on your goals, using this time at home to keep on trucking?
The thin veil of what we thought life was "supposed" to be like has lifted for me. I would not want to go back to a world where we all kind of numbly move through it. I know on a personal level how numb I was to my own voice before 2020 and in a lot of ways many of us touring musicians have never really had a healthy break like this. I’ve talked to multiple musicians who all said that they cannot go back to our lifestyle pre-Covid and tour without any regard for our mental and physical health. We have to build a better world for all of us, and as a touring artist in America, we have to value and respect our artists in a deeper way. A universal problem we have in this country is that the survival of the fittest mentality has permeated every aspect of our culture and I dearly hope that changes. So, in my small part of the universe, I am finally taking time to actually listen to the sound of my own breathing after years of hardly knowing how to take a deep breath. It’s also given me time to remember why I started making music in the first place before all the business creeped into it. I know that I want to keep my love of music closer than ever before.