Talking Body, Mind, and Schedules With Three New Moms
As David Bowie said, “Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes” are at the forefront of the entire adventure of being a a new mom. With all of the excitement, exhaustion and hormone fluctuations, I wanted to speak with three talented mamas in the Dandy community to see how they are adjusting to their new role; may it be welcoming a first or third child into their world.
Natalie Holloway
Founder of Bala
You’re new to motherhood and it must be such an intense and incredible time. How has it been adjusting to having this new little life to care for? Especially while running such a successful business.
Motherhood is exactly as they say! Challenging, rewarding, all of it. There are so many ups and downs and I find the hardest thing is to juggle motherhood with a career. The back and forth can be intense and mom guilt is REAL. I either feel like I am neglecting my child or my business, so I have learned to be more gentle with myself and try positive self talk. Babies can be harder than the business side at times, so I feel for the stay at home moms too!
Being pregnant is beautiful. It’s disgraceful that American culture has imprinted toxic body ideals that cause some women to equate being pregnant with “feeling fat." Understandably it’s hard to carry extra weight, especially in the third trimester. But I’m curious to know how pregnancy has changed your relationship with your body and in addition—any struggles or rewards you’ve found through the process.
It is so important to speak to yourself and your body kindly while you are pregnant. Your body is creating a miracle and you have to thank your body daily and give yourself the allowance to gain as much weight as your body needs. Pregnancy made me respect my body so much more and be thankful that I was able to create a tiny being in it. There were definitely struggles in the way I felt, and the ups and the downs of pregnancy in general, but overall the baby was worth any struggle I experienced.
What parting words of wisdom would you give to any aspiring mothers?
Meditate as much as you can! I took daily baths full of candles, face masks, and birthing meditations to try to prepare for the birth. I also highly recommend a doula! I was not dilating at all for 30+ hours while in labor. The doctor was threatening a c section and my doula helped me avoid that, so I highly recommend a doula if you are considering going that route.
Sam Eason
Writer
As a mother of 3, how has it been having a third baby in the mix? What have you already learned about motherhood that you’re applying to baby #3?
Although no day is short of challenge or exhaustion, having three kids has been the easiest for me. Maybe I thrive in the chaos, but the confidence with mothering and shuffling I have now is unrecognizable to the nervous young woman I was after my first. Life with three boys is remarkable, tender, and wholesome. Because no one can prepare you for how you will be once having children of your own, it's important to remember that everyone has their own limits of tolerance, patience, and flexibility. Motherhood is a wild yet humbling ride. Do one thing at a time and don't let the kids needs overwhelm you. They are often simple and we make demands out to be scarier than they actually are. You DO NOT need to have it all figured out. These days are short and sweet, really.
Being pregnant is beautiful. It’s disgraceful that American culture has imprinted toxic body ideals that cause some women to equate being pregnant with “feeling fat." Understandably it’s hard to carry extra weight, especially in the third trimester. But I’m curious to know how pregnancy has changed your relationship with your body and in addition—any struggles or rewards you’ve found through the process.
It's hard for me not to answer this with a huge smile on my face! While I can relate to having felt that way (especially when carrying my first), pregnancy has softened me as much as it has pushed me to bloom in ways I did not know possible. I am very much aware now that feeling good internally contributes to looking good, outwardly. And I'm not talking about physicality, I'm talking about energy, purpose, and vulnerability. These are the real things we see in each other and they work interchangeably to bring us to our most confident (not arrogant) self. Growing a human being is incredible. With each pregnancy, I developed varicose veins—bigger and more spread out than the last. I definitely reach for pants more than I do shorts, but I've never felt more beautiful in my body. My breasts are also covered in stretch marks from nursing. I smile when I see new ones pop up; they are the words on these pages. Being a mom is so much more than what our bodies have to offer for appearance. You must believe this and then you will see it. All this being said, you must do whatever you need to do to feel comfy as you.
Any parting advice or perhaps words of wisdom for new moms?
You will blink and your baby will be five. Hug and kiss and stare at them as often as you can. A 20 minute power nap (sometimes even in a pile of laundry on the floor) is going to be your best friend. Cry it out. Pace yourself. Treat yourself. Love yourself. You're doing the hardest job out there. Try to get fresh air first thing in the morning. Never go to bed angry.
Camilla Marcus
Chef & Restaurateur
Previously being a mother of 1, how has it been having a second baby in the mix? What have you already learned about motherhood that you’re applying—or hope to apply--to baby #2?
Everything is unknown when you have your first and there’s a lot of mixed information and fear around the safety of the baby when it’s all new. This time around, having some experience, I feel confident in myself and my instincts, plus I have some measure of what to expect, so I am able to fully cherish and immerse myself in the joy of a newborn right away. The sibling bond is so special and my fondest childhood memories are with my brothers. It has been truly incredible to watch my son marvel at his sister and form a bond. He runs around calling her name almost all day and has started to take part in caring for her with us. With my two babies it feels like a family—chaos and all—in the best sense. I’ve learned to welcome the unpredictability of every day by starting fresh with a clean slate that is free of expectations.
Being pregnant is beautiful. It’s disgraceful that American culture has imprinted toxic body ideals that cause some women to equate being pregnant with “feeling fat." Understandably it’s hard to carry extra weight, especially in the third trimester. But I’m curious to know how pregnancy has changed your relationship with your body and in addition—any struggles or rewards you’ve found through the process.
The experience of being pregnant and the process of giving birth was so empowering and allowed me to see my body in a new light and recognize its superpower. It’s like going through the most extreme iron man. With the intensity, duration, and length of the process, you can’t help but be in awe of what your body is capable of. I’ve found that being pregnant and becoming a mom has connected me to my body in a spiritual way that I hadn’t known before. This process, particularly the second time around getting to have a VBAC, taught me to never take my body and its internal endurance for granted and to love my body—stretch marks, bumps and grooves included. I’ve also embraced an “inside out mentality” and value system, focusing on how I feel and taking care of myself from within rather than getting hung up on what jeans I can or can’t fit into, which ultimately doesn’t really matter.
Any parting advice or perhaps words of wisdom for new moms or any woman interested in having children?
This is your experience, so listen to yourself and trust your instincts. Block out the noise and incessant advice from others. Be in tune with your body and go easy on yourself. Give grace and surrender to all you are going through. Allow yourself to grow through the ups and downs and winding road that is this journey. Both while pregnant and after giving birth, there is immense pressure to look and feel a certain way—but the reality is that it’s fluid, complicated, and anything but a linear path. It’s messy in every sense of the word on a physical, emotional, and psychological level. I hope women can continue to be brave in sharing their earnest realities so we can normalize and better support one another through the process rather than setting up facades that we can’t live up to.